In Sickness and In Health

A New Commentary on Psalm 19:1-4

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There is a tree, just outside my window, whose leaves shimmer and sway in the sun each day. Every evening over the last week and a half, light beautifully transforms into darkness. Every morning darkness again becomes light to start the day. This has been occurring every twenty-four hours since I was born.

But I haven’t noticed it except on vacations.

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For years now I have prayed a prayer penned by Jean-Pierre De Caussade which begins: “O my God! When will it please thee to grant me the favor of living always in that union of my will with thy heavenly will?” The prayer expresses my desire for an ever deeper relationship with God. But when those words cross my lips a subtle fear also emerges. “What will God have to do in my life to unite my will with his?

I have had Covid for more than a week now. This is my first time to have Covid so I don’t know how it is supposed to work. But it was a three-stages:

1. I overdo it. Upon return from vacation, I had the bright idea to re-organize the whole pantry in one day. I feel a cough dropping into my chest. I get a Z-pack from the doctor. (Normally I take my meds, rest and feel better in 3-5 days.)

2. Three days later, my wife tested positive for Covid. Then I do. The doctor says to finish the Z-pack and rest.

3. A day later I get what seems very much like strep throat. I can barely swallow because of the swelling and pain. I called the doctor 4 times that day trying to self-diagnose. The next day he sends another antibiotic.

I have been isolating in the guest bedroom for a week and a half. Nights are filled with sweating and tossing and turning. My regular schedule is in tatters. I haven’t worked out the entire time. I have rarely been out of the house. I am not getting quality time with my 18-year-old son who begins college in Boston in less than a month. Each morning I have to struggle to keep trusting in God.

Yet, I find God at work even in this sickness and struggle. When I look out my window and see the tree dancing in the sunlight I understand this illness is a part of that dreaded answer to prayer. God is stripping away my rhythm of life, my coping methods, and my habits, both good and bad, to unite my will to his. God is patiently urging me to see the depth that can be found in the simple things of life.

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The heavens declare the glory of God;
    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
    night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
    no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
    their words to the ends of the world.

-Psalm 19:1-4

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I still have Covid. But my prayer is being answered. I can hear the gentle message of creation revealing life at its depth; simple, profound, and beautiful. I can draw near to God whenever I tune in to its music, wherever I am, whatever is happening to me. For this knowledge I am grateful.

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