Father,
As long night gives way
to the light of the morning,
I long for my yoke of worry
to give way
to the lightness of your burden.
I am weighed down by gravity,
the pronounced gravity of this chapter of life,
the increased pressure of responsibility
that Cheryl and I share,
for those we love.
Our hearts promised
to protect the generation that witnessed our birth.
At our core is a pulsating desire
to defend the generation whose birth we witnessed.
But we can no longer fulfill our commitment.
Age proves our inability. We can only
encourage them in their good days; we can only
offer support in the turbulence of life. We have been
reduced to response
at the very age that our responsibility increases.
I confess that my fear
of the inevitable turbulence outweighs
the celebration
of their enviable success.
My emotions share the tumult of my fear.
When I was a child, I was caught in a wave, tossed and turned. After what seemed an eternity, I was thrown, scratched, and breathless upon the shore. This time of life feels a lot like that experience.
Except I don’t know how long this wave will last.
Except I worry I’ve not taken a deep enough breath to last me until I reach shore.
Except I know there will be pain and loss.
Except I don’t know if this wave will ever end in this life.
Part of me wants to focus
on angry Psalms.
Venting my frustration at this time of life
may be helpful.
But it will not change the path I am on.
Time-tested ways of finding life balance still
won’t work:
Murky waters, which keep me from seeing the strategy for our future,
won’t disperse.
The dreams and visions I conjure up will be premature and shallow.
Cheryl and I are relying on decades of relational goodwill
to hold us tightly together,
as we continue to be awash in change.
Thank you, Father, for giving us our love
to draw upon in this time.
We are not alone.
Another love,
the foundation of our love,
strengthens, guides, and directs us
through every stage of life.
“Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither –
whatever they do prospers.”
This posture in this chapter of life
brings the light burden and the easy yoke.
We will be Psalm 1 people
for the sake of those we love.
Amen.
