The Chapters of Life Part One

Choosing the Right Habits for Our Time of Life

When I journeyed half of our life’s way,

I found myself within a shadowed forest,

for I had lost the path that does not stray. -Dante¹

I’m dying. Of course, that has always been the case and is for us all from the moment we’re born. But I’m in a stage of life that emphasizes the point. More naps and longer recovery time, my wife and I find ourselves between our children, now adults, and our parents, clearly aging. We have journeyed for at least two-thirds of our lifespan; chosen professions are winding down, and retirement is on the horizon, and beyond that…I can no longer ignore the fact that I am perishing.

I’ve grown up with the idea that there are three chapters of life: childhood, adulthood, and retirement. By that calculus, I am in the final phase of life; not a very encouraging thought. Then I read Arthur C. Brooks’ "From Strength to Strength” and found a much more productive way of thinking about life. He argues that there are four stages of life. The first twenty-five years, which our youngest son will soon complete, are about preparation for life: growth, learning, and education. The second phase of life, which our oldest son and daughter-in-law are in, is about building a family, a profession, and a life of their own. The fourth chapter of life, which my parents, step-mother, and mother-in-law are now experiencing, is the final twenty to twenty-five years. That puts my wife and me squarely in the third chapter. Though I have completed the first two chapters of life, I still have two more chapters to go!

It’s essential to know, when we set goals for our lives, which of the four chapters we are in. For example, Brooks tells the story of a man who is in the third chapter of life but acting like he is still in chapter two. This is all too common. For example, a friend of mine and I decided to play a little tackle football like we did when we were in chapter two of life. It was fun. But two days later, we were barely able to get out of bed. We learned a tough lesson. We weren’t as young as we used to be!

In the next few posts, we will look at the challenges and the opportunities of each of these four chapters of life. For example, in Chapter 3, I’m facing the following:

• Challenge: It’s humbling to begin the third chapter of life. The way I motivated myself in Chapter 2 must change. In Chapter 2, I had a clear job title and clear responsibilities. It was fairly easy to know if I was meeting the mark. In Chapter 3, however, I don’t have an official organizational title. I have to develop the metrics of success for myself.

• Opportunity: In Chapter 3, I have the opportunity to build on the experiences I’ve had in Chapters 1 and 2.

• Challenge: This is the “sandwich chapter. of life.” In chapter two, I was responsible for guiding our children while our parents were in control of their own lives. Now, we have to adjust to being the support team for both groups. This means those of us in chapter three need to understand the other three chapters.

• Opportunity: In Chapter 3, I can use all that we’ve experienced in Chapters 1 and 2 to have a positive impact on those who matter most to us.

It was quite a challenge for me to step away from the pulpit after more than 20 years. But by letting go of the professional identity I developed in chapter two of life, I’ve had the opportunity to increase my focus on my writing, something I have enjoyed doing since I was a child. At the same time, I have both the challenge and the opportunity to develop different kinds of relationships with my kids and my parents. There is plenty left to do!

With retirement on the horizon, life had started feel like a dead end. But now, with these four chapters, I have so much to live for! I’m looking forward to the challenges and opportunities of this chapter of life and the next. In the following three posts, we will review each chapter of life in detail. I will continue to share what it looks like for me to live the third chapter of life in connection with the other three chapters.

There will be plenty for everyone, no matter what chapter of life you’re in!

1. Aligheri, Dante, The Divine Comedy, (Translated by Allen Mandelbaum, London: Alfred A. Knopf, 1984) p. 59.